Disagreements. What do you make of them? They can be dangerous with serious and violent consequences; differences in religious views are a matter of life and death in some parts of the world. They can be benal and harmless; differences over whom you want to win the Great British Bake Off or this year’s Strictly. They can be passionate – the word football comes to mind. Some people love them, arguing for positions they do not hold just for the pleasure of engaging in intellectual debate; others fear them and rarely express themselves at all seeking peace at any cost. For Christians disagreements will come even if they are not in the throws of them at the moment.
Aside from the mundane disagreements are generally difficult. I like to agree with people but there are times when I can’t. There are times when I wish I could. I often wish I could forget what I really think about something and let everything wash over me without it registering at all. Sometimes I think life must be easy if you didn’t care about things but of course that is nonsense – as soon as you love someone you care, as soon as you believe something you care therefore you are vulnerable to being hurt, vulnerable to conflict, vulnerable to the fruits of disagreement. However much we seek to avoid it something will come our way which pushes us from neutrality and forces us into action. Of course it may just be me that finds myself having to ask this question again and again – “should I keep silent on this or should I speak?” Proverbs wisely tells us that there is a time to speak and a time to refrain. Paul in his letter to the Romans is even clearer. He states it very strongly when he writes that we should keep our views to certain matters to ourselves in order to maintain unity (see Roms 14:1-15:5).
Martin and I have been facing this dilemma for a while now. We found ourselves in a Church where we had to ‘agree to disagree’ on many issues. We told ourselves that these were ‘secondary’ issues and we should keep our own counsel. But when does the time come that a line is crossed? When does something become so uncomfortable that it must be addressed? This is extremely hard. Our natural instinct is to avoid conflict, confronting things is uncomfortable, I would far rather put my head down and hope that everything will be ok in the end. I expect that people who know me may doubt this as I have found myself having to take a stand before – it’s as though I go looking for trouble! But God knows my heart and he has given me a conscience that will not rest despite my natural inclinations –indeed I experience almost a physical heart pain when it seems that Jesus is not being clearly proclaimed. It is this pain that forces me to take a stand; loving Jesus brings conflict! Paul says that there is a time when we must act and that time comes when someone is teaching something opposite to the doctrine we have been taught i.e. the gospel as declared by Paul (see Rom 16:17). We have to do something, but we do not have to be disagreeable when we do.
The Archbishop of Canterbury is requesting that those within the Church of England learn to disagree well with each other particularly in the area of human sexuality. This is going to become a hot issue for Anglicans in future months and years. Martin and I have faced it this summer– should our Church be in mission partnership with the parish next door that is active in promoting homosexual relationships? What does it mean to disagree well? Can we agree to disagree and still work together? The phrase used by the vicar in our Church has been ‘permitting space for disagreement over sexuality issues’. We have concluded that we cannot. There comes a point when we have to say that God’s word is clear on an issue; it is a matter of right and wrong, truth or falsehood. The gospel calls us to repentance not to permit ‘space’ for disagreement. This does not mean we do not love those who have other views rather it would be unloving if we failed to tell them the truth of the gospel. In our disagreement we cannot permit space or work with those who hold contrary views - this is a gospel issue (see 1 Cor. 6:9). Working in gospel partnership with those that do not hold the traditional view of marriage would be working with those who teach another gospel and we cannot do it. We have had to take a stand. It is not generally understood. In our disagreement we have sought to be gentle, and honest, we have raised our concerns and left our Church. It is at some cost but staying would be at even greater cost - the compromising of the gospel.
I think many more of us are going to have to work out what it means to disagree well and remain faithful to the gospel in the future.